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Gruntipedia fun: Great Covenant Book of Jokes
The Great Covenant Book of Jokes was a holy text written by the Prophet of Truth, designed to keep up Covenant morale, but was soon discovered to consist of truly dreadful jokes, and has been deemed their downfall in the Human-Covenant War. It has been confirmed that this is the only book in the libraries of Covenant hell and has been attributed as the #1 cause of suicides on the Covenant side. Chapters When it gets annoying to have to scroll down to the bottom of the page, or it takes too long to load, archive older jokes in chapters. *Chapter 1 *Chapter 2 Other Known Jokes Truth: What does an elite say when surrounded by Spartans? Arbiter: ... Truth: Holy crap! Hahaha! Arbiter: ...That was dumb. ---- Truth: Why did the Grunt put chalk on the Drone? Arbiter: ... Truth: He wanted a Chalkroach! HaAHhAHAHAHAHHOHHIOIHIOHAOIAH!! Arbiter: ... Make the next joke involve me. ---- Truth: What is the best curse word that rhymes with Arbiter? Arbiter: Screw this, I'm leaving. ---- Truth: What do you call a radar with a lotta red dots? The Chief: An ambush? Truth: No, trouble. He he he. ---- Truth: Knock knock. Tartare Sauce: Who's there? Truth: Aidair. Brute Captain: Aidair who? Truth: Aidair you open that door, without bowing before me! ---- Truth: So... how many Grunts... does it take... to screw in... a light bulb? Arbiter: By the Gods! He's insane! The Arbiter faints. Truth: Do you know? Hee hee. Mercy: Is it 8? Tartar Sauce: Rgh! It's 9. Mercy: Don't be a fool, it's 8. 343 Guilty Spark: As explained before, it's 0. Johnson: Ya'll all fools, especially Mr Mohawk. He just said it was 1. A random Drone:'BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. ''The Arbiter regains consciousness. '''Arbiter: What were we discussing? Truth: How many Grunts does it take to screw in a light bulb? The Arbiter's head explodes. Mercy: Well, it was always said, the tasks he had to undertake would be perilous and suicidal. ---- Truth: What do you call a grenade that sticks to the male parts? Chief: A plasma grenade? Truth: No, a fag grenade!!! Chief takes a spear from an honor guard and shoves it up Truth's A*****e ---- Truth: What do you call a Demon designated 117? Poor Unnamed Grunt: Erm, I don't know Truth: John! Haha! Hahaha! Poor Unnamed Grunt: Ha...haha...ha...I don't get it. John-117: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.... Truth gets an entire clip from an assault rifle dumped into him, stuck by a plasma grenade, and hit by a Longsword. ---- Truth: What do you call an orange plasma grenade? Tartar-Sauce: a Firebomb? Truth: It doesn't matter, its gonna kill you anyway. HahahahahhaHHHAAAHAHAhaah!! ---- (Prophet of) Truth: What do you call a very stupid prophet? (Prophet of) Stupidity: Me? (Prophet of) Truth: oh...right... ---- Miranda: Why did- (Gets shot) Truth: I TELL ALL THE JOKES HERE!!!! (Throws the spiker on the floor like a fag) ---- Truth: What do you call a frag grenade that sticks to people? Grunt: Spike grenade? Truth: No, a frag grenade with super glue...You know, super glue...smeared in it...thrown at somebody and the super glue sticks and all that?... Grunt: ... ---- Arbiter: What do you call a- Truth: I tell the jokes he-...uhh...Arbiter...please put the sword away...sorry...I won't tell any grunt light bulb jokes if you let me li- (Gets stabbed and thrown off a cliff) ---- (Prophet of) Truth: What do you call a very stupid, retarded, smelly, idiotic, crazy, ugly, and n00bish prophet? (Prophet of) Stupidity, Retardedness, Smelly, Idiotic, Crazy, Ugly, and n00bishness: Us? (Prophet of) Truth: What kinda sick mothers named you people?! ---- Random Elite: Hey, err, uh, "half-jaw"... How do you even pronounce your name? Rtas 'Vadum: .... (Long pause) Rtas 'Vadum: I don't know. ---- Elite: Why do they call it Halo? Truth: Because it's shaped like your head. ---- Arbiter: Do you know why they call an Elite that kills everyone an Arbiter? Elite: No, why? Arbiter: I don't know either. ---- Truth: What's the difference between the Halo 3 mountain dew, and the regular? Master Chief: It's orange. Truth: Why is it orange? Master Chief:...I don't know. ---- Truth: Has anyone else noticed my resemblance to the Pope? Miranda: Does that mean you're Catholic too? Truth: *starts disrobing* I admit...I need your help... Miranda: *screams and runs away* Truth: But that secret dies with all the rest! ---- Tartar Sauce: One more word Oracle, and I'll tear your eye from its socket... Miranda: *Wriggles and tries to get away* Tartar Sauce: *grabs her arms* and that is nothing compared to what I'll do to you... Miranda: =0 Tartar Sauce: Okay, that came out wrong... ---- Truth: I admit, I need yo- Johnson: Wait a minute! You speak English!? Truth: ... Johnson: ... Brutes ... Joseph Staten: ...Never thought about that. ---- Master Chief: Ok guys, well make this a fair game. To see who's the best masc- Mario: Wait, its not fair. Master Chief: What? Sonic: You have a gun. Master Chief: Uhh... Spyro: And armor. Master Chief: Well you guys have all the freaking fancy cosmic powers, and lives and fireballs. And I have something none of you have. Kirby: What? Master Chief: Bad-assness. (Pwns everybody) Bill Gates & Joseph Staten: Way to go Chief (High fives) score one for Microsoft! ---- Truth:What did the elite say to a brute with acne Arbiter:Oh god, this is gonna be painful Truth:Wort wort wort! Arbiter: o_O ---- Truth:Elite girls are like Colombo's wife. Arbiter:Why? Truth:Because they never do anything and we never see them. How do elites birth? Do they shit... Thousand of elite girls appear and killing the prophet with energyfryingpans. Truth:I was wrong. You like Britney Spears because... Elite girls killing Truth with energymixer. ---- Truth:What did the grunt say after I asked him to paint the Arbiter's front porch Arbiter:What God Dam! What! Truth:I finished painting....by the way its a Ferrari not a porch HahahHAHAhah Arbiter:.....I better check this out Cortana:Cortana to Keyes. Keyes:This better be good Cortana or i'll f**k the S**t out of you. Cortana:OK......The Covenant DID not impede our progress and we HAVE enough firepower to break open a forerunner door, that's withstood a megaton's worth of destruction Heh Heh Heh. Keyes:Alright, here's the plan. Cortana, i want to see u naked in my room in 4hours. Failure Cortana, will mean that u will be given to my A.I. raping programme, that's gonna f**k the s**t out of you. Muahahahahaha...